A while back my daughter's therapist told me that children with Asperger's tend to mature in spikes - they might spend a couple of years seemingly behind their peers in maturity and topics of interest and then they'll catch up very quickly, level out for a while and then can fall behind again.
Well, we're going through a spike! My daughter turned thirteen a couple of weeks ago and that seems to have been a catalyst to some changes in attitude and personal appearance.
A couple of months ago she asked me if she could dye her hair purple. I said maybe not her whole head, but would compromise and let her get purple highlights. Her hair turned out great - she loves it. Then she bought make-up with her birthday money - nothing drastic - just light colors. Ok, so I'm still good. Then she asked me to pluck her eyebrows - ok. Then she asked me to curl her hair before school one day. Still ok. And finally, two days ago she wore eyeliner to school! Dark eyeliner!! The next day, I was able to get over my shock enough to make some suggestions about eyeshadow and light lip gloss. My brain is still trying to catch up. This is a girl who I had to harass into the shower two months ago. She rarely showed any interest in fashion, no interest in make-up or her personal appearance. She's always loved to accessorize - which I've always found a contradiction to her otherwise lack of interest in all things fashion - but she loves hats and jewelry. I'm happy that she's finally taking pride in the way that she looks. She has a very strong sense of herself and still doesn't follow trend - which I love about her. So while she's showing an increased interest in dressing and make-up and hair, which is all typical thirteen-year-old behavior, she's not buckling to fashion pressure.
I find myself in the strange position of trying to allow her to be herself and making sure that the amount of make-up that she wears and her new obsession with her hair is balanced and appropriate. Today her therapist made a comment about her eyeliner - in a positive way, but still, letting me know that she noticed. I wanted to ask her if it was appropriate - then realized that that's a parental decision and one that I have to make on my own. I think it's time to have the "boy talk", too. Yikes - not looking forward to that one. I've read that Aspies and other adolescents on the spectrum can be vulnerable in personal relationships, including romantic and/or sexual relationships. This is why it's very important for parents to have a good understanding of how their child is feeling about physical attraction to another person. Making sure that they understand appropriate behavior in these situations will protect them from others who might take advantage of them, as well as guide them in their own behavior and responses to others.
And the journey continues...
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
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