September 14, 2010 - And We're Off...

Back to school! I start each school year with a mixture of fear, anxiety, apprehension and hopefulness. I worry on multiple levels - first - will my daughter's teachers be on board with her IEP accommodations? How much of a bitch do I have to be this year and how soon should I start? How will she react to the new environment? Will she verbalize her needs or become non-verbal, with teachers calling me out because they see her as obstinate?

Then there's the worry on the social level - will my daughter be able to make friends? Will the children who were nice to her last year come through this year? Will she be isolated? Will she eat lunch alone? Etc., etc., etc.

I think my daughter usually starts each school year with almost identical emotions - fear, anxiety and hopefulness. I think she's truly more optimistic than I am - or maybe she tells herself and me what she thinks I want to hear - "It's going to be different this year" "I'm going to try really hard this year" "The kids seem much nicer than last year - I bet I'll have friends this year" and worst of all "Don't worry".

But I have to tell you - this year feels different. Somehow, this beautiful, grounded, confident girl has emerged. She goes to bed on time, wakes on time - and in a good mood! She follows the morning routine with minimal guidance from me, she picks out her own clothes (well - really, she costumes, more than dresses - haha!!), she does her homework without me having to badger her - it's been miraculous really. And most shocking - late last week, she advocated on her own behalf! She approached the principal of her school and let her know that she was in the wrong first period class and wanted to move to another. Then she told the principal that she would appreciate it if she could handle the situation as soon as possible and then rushed off, stating that she didn't want to be late for class. Amazing! Just amazing!!

Most beautiful to see - today when I picked her up from school, she came out of the building with another girl - laughing! Ha! I sat in my car and cried as I watched her laugh and say her good-byes to her classmates. Last year at this time, I would feel victorious if she lifted her head and made eye contact with another child or could make it through the day without a full-blown meltdown. It's still so early in the year, we're just two weeks in - but I feel so hopeful and proud. Somewhere along the way, my daughter packed away the tools that we've been giving her to navigate and flourish in her world. This isn't to say that we're out of the woods - we still have to work through so many obstacles - there are still meltdowns occasionally - I'll write about that later, though - today I just want to bask in my pride in the young woman that my daughter has become and say my silent prayers that it continues.

Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!