I have my daughter's first 504 meeting coming up next week. All of her teachers and the rest of the special education team will be there. I've fought tooth and nail to get her services over the last few years and I suddenly find myself in the position where I'm thinking about holding back on certain services.
I've spoken about the huge improvement in my daughter's performance and general attitude at school. This has led me to re-think some of the services that she receives, specifically speech therapy. Last year this service was immensely helpful because the leading specialist on social pragmatics and autism/Asperger's was on staff at my daughter's school. This is one of the reasons that I chose her school for her. Due to budget cuts this therapist was let go and a new person was hired. The new person is just out of college and this is her first year of providing services in a school setting. This does not make me comfortable considering the lack of expertise on autism and more specifically, Asperger's in the rest of the special education team at the school.
Here's my thinking - my daughter has drama class first period, which she loves. This class gives her the opportunity to participate in small group activities, perform in front of her class and through monologues and such, learn appropriate intonations and expression. Speech therapy is a pull-out service, which means once or twice a week, she's pulled from class to participate in services. I think leaving her in class is a more productive and helpful tool in practicing social pragmatics. Also, I don't want her pulled from her other core classes because I don't want her falling behind in those subjects, so I told my daughter not to attend speech therapy until I could get a hold of the principal to discuss this with her. No surprise - she hasn't returned my phone calls.
The speech therapist wasn't thrilled with my decision and called me to ask me about it. I explained my reasoning behind my decision, but she persisted that she felt she could be helpful to my daughter in other areas. I'm willing to consider this, but refused to change my mind regarding the pull-out services.
I feel good about this decision, though I'm certain that I'll get grief about it from the rest of the team during our 504 meeting. The goal for the meeting from my perspective is to take a step back and give my daughter the opportunity to succeed on her own with an analysis of support that she may need now, not based on her needs from last year - that's always the problem with services, they're always a step behind or a year too late. I'm sure that she'll need more supports in place as the year progresses and her work load increases. For now, it's going to be all about walking the fine line of reining in the special ed team without burning any bridges or giving the impression that my daughter doesn't need services. Here we go again - another year of fun, fun, fun.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Father Storms Bus Confronts Bullies
I'm adding a link to an article outlining a recent incident where a father boarded a school bus and confronted the bullies of his disabled daughter. This is an issue that is epidemic in this country - and an issue that is particularly dangerous for already fragile individuals, who seem to be the target of bullying. Children with Asperger's who are socially awkward, often find themselves bullied, as well as socially isolated. It's time that parents hold school and work officials accountable for allowing this culture to continue! While I don't advocate the method with which this dad confronted the bullies involved, I certainly understand the frustration and rage.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
September 16, 2010 - Changes, Changes, Changes
A while back my daughter's therapist told me that children with Asperger's tend to mature in spikes - they might spend a couple of years seemingly behind their peers in maturity and topics of interest and then they'll catch up very quickly, level out for a while and then can fall behind again.
Well, we're going through a spike! My daughter turned thirteen a couple of weeks ago and that seems to have been a catalyst to some changes in attitude and personal appearance.
A couple of months ago she asked me if she could dye her hair purple. I said maybe not her whole head, but would compromise and let her get purple highlights. Her hair turned out great - she loves it. Then she bought make-up with her birthday money - nothing drastic - just light colors. Ok, so I'm still good. Then she asked me to pluck her eyebrows - ok. Then she asked me to curl her hair before school one day. Still ok. And finally, two days ago she wore eyeliner to school! Dark eyeliner!! The next day, I was able to get over my shock enough to make some suggestions about eyeshadow and light lip gloss. My brain is still trying to catch up. This is a girl who I had to harass into the shower two months ago. She rarely showed any interest in fashion, no interest in make-up or her personal appearance. She's always loved to accessorize - which I've always found a contradiction to her otherwise lack of interest in all things fashion - but she loves hats and jewelry. I'm happy that she's finally taking pride in the way that she looks. She has a very strong sense of herself and still doesn't follow trend - which I love about her. So while she's showing an increased interest in dressing and make-up and hair, which is all typical thirteen-year-old behavior, she's not buckling to fashion pressure.
I find myself in the strange position of trying to allow her to be herself and making sure that the amount of make-up that she wears and her new obsession with her hair is balanced and appropriate. Today her therapist made a comment about her eyeliner - in a positive way, but still, letting me know that she noticed. I wanted to ask her if it was appropriate - then realized that that's a parental decision and one that I have to make on my own. I think it's time to have the "boy talk", too. Yikes - not looking forward to that one. I've read that Aspies and other adolescents on the spectrum can be vulnerable in personal relationships, including romantic and/or sexual relationships. This is why it's very important for parents to have a good understanding of how their child is feeling about physical attraction to another person. Making sure that they understand appropriate behavior in these situations will protect them from others who might take advantage of them, as well as guide them in their own behavior and responses to others.
And the journey continues...
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Well, we're going through a spike! My daughter turned thirteen a couple of weeks ago and that seems to have been a catalyst to some changes in attitude and personal appearance.
A couple of months ago she asked me if she could dye her hair purple. I said maybe not her whole head, but would compromise and let her get purple highlights. Her hair turned out great - she loves it. Then she bought make-up with her birthday money - nothing drastic - just light colors. Ok, so I'm still good. Then she asked me to pluck her eyebrows - ok. Then she asked me to curl her hair before school one day. Still ok. And finally, two days ago she wore eyeliner to school! Dark eyeliner!! The next day, I was able to get over my shock enough to make some suggestions about eyeshadow and light lip gloss. My brain is still trying to catch up. This is a girl who I had to harass into the shower two months ago. She rarely showed any interest in fashion, no interest in make-up or her personal appearance. She's always loved to accessorize - which I've always found a contradiction to her otherwise lack of interest in all things fashion - but she loves hats and jewelry. I'm happy that she's finally taking pride in the way that she looks. She has a very strong sense of herself and still doesn't follow trend - which I love about her. So while she's showing an increased interest in dressing and make-up and hair, which is all typical thirteen-year-old behavior, she's not buckling to fashion pressure.
I find myself in the strange position of trying to allow her to be herself and making sure that the amount of make-up that she wears and her new obsession with her hair is balanced and appropriate. Today her therapist made a comment about her eyeliner - in a positive way, but still, letting me know that she noticed. I wanted to ask her if it was appropriate - then realized that that's a parental decision and one that I have to make on my own. I think it's time to have the "boy talk", too. Yikes - not looking forward to that one. I've read that Aspies and other adolescents on the spectrum can be vulnerable in personal relationships, including romantic and/or sexual relationships. This is why it's very important for parents to have a good understanding of how their child is feeling about physical attraction to another person. Making sure that they understand appropriate behavior in these situations will protect them from others who might take advantage of them, as well as guide them in their own behavior and responses to others.
And the journey continues...
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
September 14, 2010 - And We're Off...
Back to school! I start each school year with a mixture of fear, anxiety, apprehension and hopefulness. I worry on multiple levels - first - will my daughter's teachers be on board with her IEP accommodations? How much of a bitch do I have to be this year and how soon should I start? How will she react to the new environment? Will she verbalize her needs or become non-verbal, with teachers calling me out because they see her as obstinate?
Then there's the worry on the social level - will my daughter be able to make friends? Will the children who were nice to her last year come through this year? Will she be isolated? Will she eat lunch alone? Etc., etc., etc.
I think my daughter usually starts each school year with almost identical emotions - fear, anxiety and hopefulness. I think she's truly more optimistic than I am - or maybe she tells herself and me what she thinks I want to hear - "It's going to be different this year" "I'm going to try really hard this year" "The kids seem much nicer than last year - I bet I'll have friends this year" and worst of all "Don't worry".
But I have to tell you - this year feels different. Somehow, this beautiful, grounded, confident girl has emerged. She goes to bed on time, wakes on time - and in a good mood! She follows the morning routine with minimal guidance from me, she picks out her own clothes (well - really, she costumes, more than dresses - haha!!), she does her homework without me having to badger her - it's been miraculous really. And most shocking - late last week, she advocated on her own behalf! She approached the principal of her school and let her know that she was in the wrong first period class and wanted to move to another. Then she told the principal that she would appreciate it if she could handle the situation as soon as possible and then rushed off, stating that she didn't want to be late for class. Amazing! Just amazing!!
Most beautiful to see - today when I picked her up from school, she came out of the building with another girl - laughing! Ha! I sat in my car and cried as I watched her laugh and say her good-byes to her classmates. Last year at this time, I would feel victorious if she lifted her head and made eye contact with another child or could make it through the day without a full-blown meltdown. It's still so early in the year, we're just two weeks in - but I feel so hopeful and proud. Somewhere along the way, my daughter packed away the tools that we've been giving her to navigate and flourish in her world. This isn't to say that we're out of the woods - we still have to work through so many obstacles - there are still meltdowns occasionally - I'll write about that later, though - today I just want to bask in my pride in the young woman that my daughter has become and say my silent prayers that it continues.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Then there's the worry on the social level - will my daughter be able to make friends? Will the children who were nice to her last year come through this year? Will she be isolated? Will she eat lunch alone? Etc., etc., etc.
I think my daughter usually starts each school year with almost identical emotions - fear, anxiety and hopefulness. I think she's truly more optimistic than I am - or maybe she tells herself and me what she thinks I want to hear - "It's going to be different this year" "I'm going to try really hard this year" "The kids seem much nicer than last year - I bet I'll have friends this year" and worst of all "Don't worry".
But I have to tell you - this year feels different. Somehow, this beautiful, grounded, confident girl has emerged. She goes to bed on time, wakes on time - and in a good mood! She follows the morning routine with minimal guidance from me, she picks out her own clothes (well - really, she costumes, more than dresses - haha!!), she does her homework without me having to badger her - it's been miraculous really. And most shocking - late last week, she advocated on her own behalf! She approached the principal of her school and let her know that she was in the wrong first period class and wanted to move to another. Then she told the principal that she would appreciate it if she could handle the situation as soon as possible and then rushed off, stating that she didn't want to be late for class. Amazing! Just amazing!!
Most beautiful to see - today when I picked her up from school, she came out of the building with another girl - laughing! Ha! I sat in my car and cried as I watched her laugh and say her good-byes to her classmates. Last year at this time, I would feel victorious if she lifted her head and made eye contact with another child or could make it through the day without a full-blown meltdown. It's still so early in the year, we're just two weeks in - but I feel so hopeful and proud. Somewhere along the way, my daughter packed away the tools that we've been giving her to navigate and flourish in her world. This isn't to say that we're out of the woods - we still have to work through so many obstacles - there are still meltdowns occasionally - I'll write about that later, though - today I just want to bask in my pride in the young woman that my daughter has become and say my silent prayers that it continues.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
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