August 17, 2010 - Disclaimer

We have a family member visiting this week whom my daughter hadn't met before. I always feel a little uneasy when my daughter is being introduced to new people because I never know how she'll react to them. She could be non-verbal and not make eye contact, never really warming up to that person - which is always uncomfortable because she can seem rude when in this mode. Or she can be verbal - but in a very direct way, which again can seem rude. This often leads me to issue a disclaimer explaining that my daughter has Asperger's and might seem a little rude, but not to take it personally, etc., etc. I'm going to work on not doing this anymore because I don't think that it benefits us or the situation. More often than not we go through a process where she's stand-offish and then verbal in a direct way and then she warms to the person - which is great - but that person can become an object of intense attention. She has to show every piece of art work she's ever done, show off her room and all of her treasures and tell every story that she can think of. She will also interrupt conversations - not because she's rude - but because she likes the new person and wants to be friendly and participate in the conversation, this is where my interventions start. I try to gauge how tolerant the visitor is to her attention and then I gently direct her to other activities or gently tell her that she's interrupting and to please let whoever's speaking finish. She's always very responsive to these interventions - but bursting at the seam to get in there.

Thank goodness my cousin is a tolerant person and gets a kick out of my daughter's directness, which can be funny at times. The positive in these situations is that there's a chance that she will be willing to participate in conversations and interact with new people - not long ago she couldn't manage this - she would almost always be non-verbal and not make eye contact. So while I might feel a little discomfort - it's well worth it to see her interacting (even if it's in her unique way) with people outside her normal circle of family and friends.

Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!