Tuesday, August 17, 2010
iHelp for Autism
I've posted an article from San Francisco Weekly about the remarkable benefits being shown by the new iPad for children on the autism spectrum. Please read - it's amazing!!
August 17, 2010 - Disclaimer
We have a family member visiting this week whom my daughter hadn't met before. I always feel a little uneasy when my daughter is being introduced to new people because I never know how she'll react to them. She could be non-verbal and not make eye contact, never really warming up to that person - which is always uncomfortable because she can seem rude when in this mode. Or she can be verbal - but in a very direct way, which again can seem rude. This often leads me to issue a disclaimer explaining that my daughter has Asperger's and might seem a little rude, but not to take it personally, etc., etc. I'm going to work on not doing this anymore because I don't think that it benefits us or the situation. More often than not we go through a process where she's stand-offish and then verbal in a direct way and then she warms to the person - which is great - but that person can become an object of intense attention. She has to show every piece of art work she's ever done, show off her room and all of her treasures and tell every story that she can think of. She will also interrupt conversations - not because she's rude - but because she likes the new person and wants to be friendly and participate in the conversation, this is where my interventions start. I try to gauge how tolerant the visitor is to her attention and then I gently direct her to other activities or gently tell her that she's interrupting and to please let whoever's speaking finish. She's always very responsive to these interventions - but bursting at the seam to get in there.
Thank goodness my cousin is a tolerant person and gets a kick out of my daughter's directness, which can be funny at times. The positive in these situations is that there's a chance that she will be willing to participate in conversations and interact with new people - not long ago she couldn't manage this - she would almost always be non-verbal and not make eye contact. So while I might feel a little discomfort - it's well worth it to see her interacting (even if it's in her unique way) with people outside her normal circle of family and friends.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Thank goodness my cousin is a tolerant person and gets a kick out of my daughter's directness, which can be funny at times. The positive in these situations is that there's a chance that she will be willing to participate in conversations and interact with new people - not long ago she couldn't manage this - she would almost always be non-verbal and not make eye contact. So while I might feel a little discomfort - it's well worth it to see her interacting (even if it's in her unique way) with people outside her normal circle of family and friends.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
August 8, 2010 - The Telephone - YIKES!!
I can often go days or weeks without realizing that my daughter is different - this is probably because her quirks have become so well known to me that they seem normal. But this week I had a glaring neon sign put in my face - it said ASPIE! ASPIE! ASPIE!
My daughter's birthday party is coming up soon and we're sending out e-vites. We don't have email addresses for all of the girls that she wants to invite, so I had her call a friend from school to get her email address and the email addresses of a few of the other girls on the invite list. Well - this completely undid her! The thought of calling someone on the phone stressed her out completely. She has this thing where, when you answer the phone and say hello, she says hello back, and then if you say hello again, she says hello back again. She doesn't say "is so-and-so there?" or "hi, this is ..." when the person on the other end says hello. I'm used to this so when she says hello the second time, I usually will just start the conversation. Well, other people don't know this of course, so when she called her friend and her friend's brother answered the phone, he hung up on her after the second round of hellos. I called back and when he answered asked for the girl then handed the phone to my daughter. When the girl came on the phone and said hello my daughter didn't say anything back! I had to tell her exactly what to say through the entire conversation. It was so awkward!!
This experience taught me a few things: first - because my daughter hasn't had friends from school before now, she hasn't had the opportunity to have phone conversations with friends or individuals outside of her family circle; second - we really need to practice phone etiquette; and finally and more importantly, she's spent the last couple of years learning to model her social interactions based on facial expressions and body language - social pragmatics - but, on the phone she can't see a person's face or their body language, so she has no idea how they're responding to what she's saying.
This week we'll be practicing - I'm going to call her on her cell phone and give her different scenarios so that she'll understand the appropriate answers and or behavior during phone calls. Just one more life lesson coming at the most unexpected time - continuing the journey!!
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
My daughter's birthday party is coming up soon and we're sending out e-vites. We don't have email addresses for all of the girls that she wants to invite, so I had her call a friend from school to get her email address and the email addresses of a few of the other girls on the invite list. Well - this completely undid her! The thought of calling someone on the phone stressed her out completely. She has this thing where, when you answer the phone and say hello, she says hello back, and then if you say hello again, she says hello back again. She doesn't say "is so-and-so there?" or "hi, this is ..." when the person on the other end says hello. I'm used to this so when she says hello the second time, I usually will just start the conversation. Well, other people don't know this of course, so when she called her friend and her friend's brother answered the phone, he hung up on her after the second round of hellos. I called back and when he answered asked for the girl then handed the phone to my daughter. When the girl came on the phone and said hello my daughter didn't say anything back! I had to tell her exactly what to say through the entire conversation. It was so awkward!!
This experience taught me a few things: first - because my daughter hasn't had friends from school before now, she hasn't had the opportunity to have phone conversations with friends or individuals outside of her family circle; second - we really need to practice phone etiquette; and finally and more importantly, she's spent the last couple of years learning to model her social interactions based on facial expressions and body language - social pragmatics - but, on the phone she can't see a person's face or their body language, so she has no idea how they're responding to what she's saying.
This week we'll be practicing - I'm going to call her on her cell phone and give her different scenarios so that she'll understand the appropriate answers and or behavior during phone calls. Just one more life lesson coming at the most unexpected time - continuing the journey!!
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
August 3, 2010 - Spur of the Moment!
One of the things that's been hardest for me to adjust to with my daughter's disorder is her lack of spontaneity. I raised my older daughters with an adventurous spirit - we'd decide at the last minute to go to the beach, or to the snow - no plans. I would just pack us a couple of changes of clothing and a picnic and we'd be off. We had some of the most fantastic experiences this way. However, my daughter has issues with being spontaneous on any level. I was feeling a bit stressed out last week and wanted to get out of town for the day. I thought a drive up to the beach would be perfect. We could throw our bikes on our rack and drive the couple of hours there, spend some time on the beach, have lunch, shop and head home.
Sounds great right?
Not so much to my daughter. She needed to know why we were going, what we would be doing, how long we would be there, what we would eat, etc., etc., etc. This just really added to my stress - then I realized that she wasn't being obstinate or unappreciative - she was just being an Aspie. She needs control over her environment - not knowing what to expect is stressful for her, so she wants as much information as possible. So I gave her an outline of what to expect - she still wasn't thrilled. I finally told her that it was fine if she didn't want to go, but I was still going. This kind of jarred her. She's used to me being a little more accommodating than I was that day. A little later she came into my room as I was putting my bag together and told me that she'd be going with me. She wasn't terribly excited - haha! But she put herself out there and took a chance that things would be okay.
And as expected we had a great time! Her response to the water is always amazing - she played in the surf and collected sea shells and rocks. We walked for hours. Then we shopped a little, had lunch and then took a long bike ride along the beach. It was a fantastic day - she kept saying "this is so nice". It taught us both a lesson -her lesson is that it's okay to be spontaneous, to trust herself and me when we're not quite sure what's going to happen. And it taught me that it's okay to be a little less accommodating - to push her limits in order to show her new ways of thinking and behaving - to trust myself that I won't damage her irreparably. The experience provided a positive experience that will be an example for her the next time she's asked to do something outside of her comfort zone.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Sounds great right?
Not so much to my daughter. She needed to know why we were going, what we would be doing, how long we would be there, what we would eat, etc., etc., etc. This just really added to my stress - then I realized that she wasn't being obstinate or unappreciative - she was just being an Aspie. She needs control over her environment - not knowing what to expect is stressful for her, so she wants as much information as possible. So I gave her an outline of what to expect - she still wasn't thrilled. I finally told her that it was fine if she didn't want to go, but I was still going. This kind of jarred her. She's used to me being a little more accommodating than I was that day. A little later she came into my room as I was putting my bag together and told me that she'd be going with me. She wasn't terribly excited - haha! But she put herself out there and took a chance that things would be okay.
And as expected we had a great time! Her response to the water is always amazing - she played in the surf and collected sea shells and rocks. We walked for hours. Then we shopped a little, had lunch and then took a long bike ride along the beach. It was a fantastic day - she kept saying "this is so nice". It taught us both a lesson -her lesson is that it's okay to be spontaneous, to trust herself and me when we're not quite sure what's going to happen. And it taught me that it's okay to be a little less accommodating - to push her limits in order to show her new ways of thinking and behaving - to trust myself that I won't damage her irreparably. The experience provided a positive experience that will be an example for her the next time she's asked to do something outside of her comfort zone.
Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)