March 31, 2010 - TO HAT OR NOT TO HAT

One of the best things about being the mother of a child with Asperger's is watching her live her life in her own zone. Her only compass is her own. If she thinks something is cool, then that's all that matters - striped socks, hamburger earrings, fingerless gloves, rainbow colored hair extensions, or yes, a certain hat - if it strikes her as fabulous, then it's on. This is part of what I'm speaking about when I say that children and individuals with Asperger's have a certain amount of freedom to live their lives without the burden of self consciousness. They need and deserve approval and validation from others, but not for the same shallow reasons as most of the rest of us.

My daughter loves hats. Not your ordinary run-of-the-mill hats - nope, she loves hats with faces, ears, fur, and eyes. Each new hat is awarded a special place on her head, day and night for about two weeks straight. After a couple of weeks she'll give it a rest and move back to one of her older favorites. Recently, she's sported a brown furry hat with ears, a panda bear beanie, a cheshire cat beanie with ears and eyes that glow in the dark and yesterday - the find of all finds - a white fur hamster hat with big ears lined in grey fur with big eyes and jagged teeth that come down over her forehead. I have to admit that I was the one who brought it to her attention in the store. Her face lit up and there was no way we were leaving without that rabid hamster hat. She put it on as soon as we left the store, wore it to the restaurant for dinner, wore it with her pj's last night and woke up with it this morning. And yep, it's sitting there on her head staring at me right now.

So, should I feel uncomfortable in public with my very tall 12 1/2 year old daughter in a hamster hat? Maybe, but you know - when I look at that beautiful girl in all her furry glory, full of pride over her cool new acquisition, all I feel is love and gratitude - and a little bit of envy.

Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!