August 3, 2010 - Spur of the Moment!

One of the things that's been hardest for me to adjust to with my daughter's disorder is her lack of spontaneity. I raised my older daughters with an adventurous spirit - we'd decide at the last minute to go to the beach, or to the snow - no plans. I would just pack us a couple of changes of clothing and a picnic and we'd be off. We had some of the most fantastic experiences this way. However, my daughter has issues with being spontaneous on any level. I was feeling a bit stressed out last week and wanted to get out of town for the day. I thought a drive up to the beach would be perfect. We could throw our bikes on our rack and drive the couple of hours there, spend some time on the beach, have lunch, shop and head home.

Sounds great right?

Not so much to my daughter. She needed to know why we were going, what we would be doing, how long we would be there, what we would eat, etc., etc., etc. This just really added to my stress - then I realized that she wasn't being obstinate or unappreciative - she was just being an Aspie. She needs control over her environment - not knowing what to expect is stressful for her, so she wants as much information as possible. So I gave her an outline of what to expect - she still wasn't thrilled. I finally told her that it was fine if she didn't want to go, but I was still going. This kind of jarred her. She's used to me being a little more accommodating than I was that day. A little later she came into my room as I was putting my bag together and told me that she'd be going with me. She wasn't terribly excited - haha! But she put herself out there and took a chance that things would be okay.

And as expected we had a great time! Her response to the water is always amazing - she played in the surf and collected sea shells and rocks. We walked for hours. Then we shopped a little, had lunch and then took a long bike ride along the beach. It was a fantastic day - she kept saying "this is so nice". It taught us both a lesson -her lesson is that it's okay to be spontaneous, to trust herself and me when we're not quite sure what's going to happen. And it taught me that it's okay to be a little less accommodating - to push her limits in order to show her new ways of thinking and behaving - to trust myself that I won't damage her irreparably. The experience provided a positive experience that will be an example for her the next time she's asked to do something outside of her comfort zone.

Remember - DIFFERENT IS BEAUTIFUL!!